i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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