Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
