Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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