you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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