i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
