3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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