"it" just moved
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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