it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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