grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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