Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
