: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
