So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize