I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
