p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
