sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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