'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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