The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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