I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
