it was like eating out sand paper
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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