He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
