Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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