I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
