that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This toilet bowl is my home.
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