its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
