chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
