His hands were made for my vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
