1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize