JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
