The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
