O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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