Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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