the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
