oh god the rape fog is back!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
