im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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