So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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