flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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