who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
