i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
