I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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