they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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