I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize