look no pants
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So many bounce houses so little time
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
