if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
