HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize