You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
