I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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