Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
