It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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