we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
