moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
