Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love having hate sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I forget how to act sober
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