They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
