I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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