Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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