last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
