Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize