tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
