I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize