Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
