Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so that wasnt chicken after all
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
