idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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