I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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