sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
