News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dicks are not precious.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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