i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
