Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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