Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
