38 yer olds are good kisserssss
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize