dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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