My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
