You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
