So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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