just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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