And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
