Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
