Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
