i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
