literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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