AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
