I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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