Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Semen is not good for contacts.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
