Porn is love you can see.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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