I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
