I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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